Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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