u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
