Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
