saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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