Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
