i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Randomize
