Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
