Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
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Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
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Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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