does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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