Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
