All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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