so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
My pussy is not your playground.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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