He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
