she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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