It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
