If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
our cab driver is having phone sex.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
