mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
