Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
