Can i not drive my cunt home
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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