brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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