one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
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Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
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I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
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