I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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