he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
