All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Randomize
