Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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