I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
