I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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