just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Please don't give away my fajitas
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