i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
