Soap is not a condiment
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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