We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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