highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I would fuck him just for his dog
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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