I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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