i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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