yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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