Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
