I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
