You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
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