i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
