The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
