I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
