im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
