my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
