I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Randomize
