i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
