I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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