Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
