dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
