So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
