I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
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