Me too!
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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