Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Randomize
