I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
