I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
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