I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
