Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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