Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
