my soul wont recognize me after tonight
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
