I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
