Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
