If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Randomize
