I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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